


Snotlout's Guide to New Year's Celebrations

by harrypanther, vala411



Series: The Wit and Wisdom of Snotlout Gary Jorgensen [5]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Chaos, F/M, Fireworks, Humor, New Year's Eve, The twins should never be trusted with anything explosive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:08:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28481448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/harrypanther/pseuds/harrypanther, https://archiveofourown.org/users/vala411/pseuds/vala411
Summary: Berk's most sociable dragon rider highlights some of the pitfalls of celebrating the New Year. Don't let the twins near anything!
Relationships: Heather/Fishlegs Ingerman, Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III/Astrid Hofferson
Series: The Wit and Wisdom of Snotlout Gary Jorgensen [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1997134
Comments: 1
Kudos: 18





	Snotlout's Guide to New Year's Celebrations

**Author's Note:**

> AN1: HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! Harry, Vala, and the Porg (who is currently tied up above a grill) wish you all a very pleasant New Year. This story is the culmination of too much red wine. Let’s all have some fun with your fav drunk authors now, shall we. :3
> 
> AN2: (removes the Porg from the grill) HAPPY NEW YEAR. Disclaimer: How To Train Your Dragon remains the property of Cressida Cowell and Dreamworks. The authors own nothing except their own craziness.
> 
> AN3: Please be kind to Porgs.

**Snotlout’s Guide to New Year’s Celebrations**

  
  


  1. **Fireworks should not be in close proximity to Astrid’s cooking**



“Are you sure I can’t do anything?” Hiccup Haddock asked worriedly for the seventh time. His beautiful but culinarily untalented girlfriend, Astrid Hofferson, was preparing canapes and punch for their New Year party and she had been adamant that she could manage it. Personally, Hiccup doubted it, since four years of various basic, remedial and kindergarten-level cookery lessons across nineteen different instructors, several former cookery teachers and one former friend who had moved to a different continent to avoid her ex-pupil had failed to produce one edible meal.

“No-it’s all in hand,” Astrid called cheerfully. “Really, this is only like performing a chemical experiment and I can do those without any problems.” It was true, Hiccup mused, watching her. Lithe and slender with long blonde hair swept up in an elegant braided roll on her head, her big blue eyes focussed and brows furrowed with concentration, Astrid was pretty by anyone’s standards and she was a highly competent microbiologist but somehow, all her scientific prowess abandoned her in the kitchen. Still, no one could mess up making punch and warming canapes, surely.

The doorbell roused him from his reverie.

“That’s the doorbell,” Astrid called, peering through the glass panel in the oven door at the canapes.

“I’ll get it,” Hiccup offered and trotted along. Tall and lean with messy auburn hair, a few faded freckles and bright emerald eyes, he was dressed casually in jeans and a black tee shirt under a green sweater with a Scandinavian pattern around the neck. But when he opened the door, he was faced by the twins, Rachel ‘Ruffnut’ and Tommy ‘Tuffnut’ Thorston and his own cousin Simon ‘Snotlout Jorgensen. All three were carrying armfuls of fireworks. Hiccup gaped.

“Budge up, fishbone!” Snotlout said, elbowing past and leading the others in. “My arms are aching and these are explosive.”

“Well duh-they’re fireworks,” Ruffnut snarked as she and her twin brother threw themselves onto the couch. Both lean and lanky and dressed in combat fatigues, they were eerily similar though Ruffnut’s pale blonde hair was in three fat braids while Tuffnut’s was in grubby dreadlocks. 

“But what are they doing here? In my apartment?” Hiccup asked worriedly. There looked to be enough for a fair-sized public display-and these weren’t small domestic rockets. No these were huge things with five foot long sticks and warnings plastered all over them.

“Well, we thought we could set them off from your balcony...sort of a treat for the neighbours…” Snotlout offered, grabbing a beer. Short and stocky, his raven hair was carefully styled and his blue eyes were calculating. Not especially bright, he was usually mixed up in the twins’ madcap schemes. 

“And where did you get them?” Hiccup demanded. Tuff grinned.

“Well our cousin Gruffnut knew a man who knew a man who knew how to get them out of the municipal store for the official display,” he revealed.

“Gruffnut? Who got arrested last week for fraud and selling the same house eleven times to eleven different couples and pocketing the money?” Tuff grinned.

“I’m sure it was all a misunderstanding…” he suggested. 

“Oh, I very much doubt it…” Hiccup snarked as the bell rang again and Hiccup hurried to let in Freddy ‘Fishlegs’ Ingerman, his best friend, and Fishlegs’ girlfriend, Heather Oswaldsdottir, a slender raven-haired woman with bright green eyes who happened to be Astrid’s best friend. They had brought a tin of warm samosas and a bottle of red wine.

“Has everyone arrived, Babe?” Astrid called.

“We’re all waiting,” Hiccup called back, smiling at her tone. She sounded happy which suggested whatever she was doing had actually worked for once.

“Why are there fireworks in the living room?” Fishlegs asked.

“The twins want to blow up half the block as amusement,” Hiccup said. 

“We just want to treat them to a show,” Ruff commented.

“Can you please take them out to the balcony?” Hiccup insisted in his ‘stern’ voice. Grumbling, the twins both dragged themselves up and hauled their rockets out onto the little balcony. Every apartment had one which was integrated into the building with a low brick wall and a roof that was actually the floor of the balcony belonging to the apartment above. Most people crammed a couple of chairs and a hanging basket onto them and Hiccup and Astrid were no different.

“It’s freezing out there,” Snotlout whined, rubbing his hands and not moving as he chugged his beer. “This face isn’t meant for the cold…”

“And explosives aren’t meant for our apartment,” Astrid said, firmly putting down the punch and canapes. Hiccup looked at them and gulped.

The punch had been heated and was steaming, coils of alcohol vapour rising from the sloshing red liquid. The canapes were scorched and two were actually on fire. 

“Um...Snotlout...could you move your rockets...now?” he asked in a cautious voice, backing away from the table.

“Are you kidding?” Snotlout whinged. “It’s freezing...I’ll just have some punch before I go out there…” And he vigorously scooped into the steaming punch with a glass, taking a mouthful before spitting it out. “Ugh! This is far too hot…” But the spray of steaming punch splashed all over the flaming canapes and worse, the rockets. There was a brief second where everyone thought they had gotten away with it...and then the fuses of the rockets burst into flame.

“Get them out of here!” Tuff yelled, diving behind the dining table.

“I’m not going near those!” Snotlout yelled back, leaping over the couch. “I’ll get blown up.”

“I’ll…” Hiccup began but Astrid hauled him behind the couch to join the others as the rockets all took off, firing directly at the other rockets resting against the little wall on the balcony. There was an explosion and then the rising ‘whee’ of rockets taking off. Another two explosions shook the room as the balcony vanished, along with the glass patio doors, half the wall and the balconies to each side and above Hiccup and Astrid’s. Outside, the other rockets were flying at random attitudes, blowing up a tree, a small car and the bandstand in neighbouring Bork Park.

There was a long pause before every fire alarm went off and then the sprinklers cut in, drenching everyone and putting out the canapes. Snotlout crawled out and tried the punch again, despite the bowl now being half-full of water from the sprinklers.

“A bit weak,” was his verdict. Hiccup scrambled up. 

“What do you think you were doing?” he yelled. “Bringing explosives into the apartment?”

“Hey-they were fine until Astrid’s cooking arrived,” Ruffnut commented as Astrid glared at her. “Only saying…”

“Well, it did say 150C but 250C is just as good and quicker…” Astrid murmured. “And everyone was arriving a little earlier than expected…”

“See?” Ruff argued, gesturing. Tuff was looking at his watch.

“...3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!” he yelled to silence. Everyone stared at him. “What?”

“Our apartment is in ruins, we’ll be kicked out and have to pay for rebuilding half of the north side of the building and the bandstand and the fire department will lecture us-again-about fire safety when all they should say is ‘don’t let Astrid cook and don’t let your friends anywhere near your home!’” Hiccup protested wildly. “We’re singed, cold, homeless and very wet. What’s good about it?”

“Well, we found a new rule for general safety…” Tuff commented.

“Yeah...never put fireworks anywhere near Astrid’s cooking!” Ruff announced. The blonde grabbed her Chinese meat cleaver.

“I’ll give you fireworks!” she yelled and hared after the twins, out into the hallway and down the stairs. Hiccup peered through the large and smoking hole in the wall. Heather blinked.

“Wow. I never knew anyone could run so fast in four inch heels and a little black dress,” she commented. “And I think she’s gaining on them.”

“I think they forget she runs half-marathons,” Hiccup murmured.

“Do you think she’ll forgive them?” Fishlegs asked, idly picking up a charred canape. “What was this?”

“Celery on stilton,” Hiccup sighed. “Didn't even need cooking by the way. Or the pre-made quiches. Or the cream cheese on beetroot jelly on filo. Or the baclava.” Fishlegs crunched through it and forced himself to swallow.

“Lovely,” he lied. “So…”

“She’ll make sure they’re terrified of her and hiding up a tree and then she’ll come home. But she won’t forgive them until December…”

“In time for them to muck up next year’s celebrations,” the husky man commented. Hiccup shook his head.

“Oh no-next year, we’re all celebrating at Snotlout’s place,” Hiccup said. The stocky man yelped at the thought of Astrid chasing him with a sharp cooking implement, the twins blowing up his accommodation and Hiccup’s steely grin and ‘Thor’s Mighty Hammer’ which might get called into use...

“I’m moving!” he yelled and ran for it.

  1. **Never stick your tongue against a suggestive ice sculpture**



"Mfffjsjkskkjjkoodoij" Snotlout drooled as his tongue was stuck on a body part of an ice sculpture that couldn't be anything but suggestive.

"Snotlout what did you do?" Astrid asked with exasperation as she turned around and noticed Snotlout stuck. Seriously, she just looked away for a few minutes.

"Mmmdmfmfmkkkkk" Snotlout exclaimed though the articulation left something to be desired.

“This may be my fault Astrid,” Hiccup sheepishly chuckled while Snotlout shot him an angry glare. Well, as angry as a man with his tongue stuck to a very suggestive ice block could.

“IIHSR HUWNY!” Snotlout exclaimed. It didn’t take a genius to suspect that he meant ‘Isn’t funny’ as it was directed towards Hiccup.

“Dude, it kinda is,” Tuffnut giggled while Ruffnut rolled her eyes.

“So what exactly happened?” Astrid sighed.

“Well Gobber made the ice sculpture and Snot was admiring it,” Hiccup explained.

“Oh, I bet he was,” Astrid huffed. “Especially where the champagne was coming out of.”

No one contradicted her statement as it was evident where Snotlout’s tongue was stuck. So Hiccup continued explaining.

“So Snotlout was really close to the sculpture and I was trying to get Toothless away from the fireworks when we bumped into him…. And well….” Hiccup chuckled.

“Mlfkjhpfoi,” Snotlout grumbled as Astrid thought of something.

“Wait, just bumping into him wouldn’t have….” She made a motion to Snotlout’s situation. “He’d have to have his tongue out already,” All eyes now turned towards Snotlout again as he blushed.

“So how do we get my lecherous cousin out of this?” Hiccup asked the group.

“Well we could let the statue melt naturally but that may take a while,” Fishlegs suggested.

“What about a hammer and icepick?” The twins brought forth but this caused Snotlout to try and scream. It looked like he didn't want any pointy bits near his tongue. Or pointy bits aimed by the twins.

“Hiccup what about my flamethrower?” Astrid suggested. “I could use that,”

“You think that’s safer than the chainsaw Gobber used to carve the ice?” Hiccup frowned.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” Snotlout let out as he was mostly ignored now while the others contemplated their methods. Of course, he missed the wink that Hiccup gave Astrid because they had already sent Fishlegs for some warm tea to melt the relevant bit of ice. Though it didn’t mean they couldn’t enjoy some more fun at Snotlout’s expense until it arrived...

  
  


  1. **Dragons are not allowed near fish paintings**



It was a cold December morning in Hiccup’s studio apartment when Fishlegs decided to visit. Hiccup’s dragon was more like a cat Fishlegs observed as he noticed the Nightfury curled up on a plush rug near the heater. The ears were slightly twitching, meaning that the Nightfury had heard Fishlegs enter.

“Fish, so glad you could make it.” Hiccup said as he gave his friend a hug. “You’re gonna love these paintings for your New Year's Gallery show.” He said as he directed his friend to several paintings that were leaning against the wall covered in tarps.

“Is this the whole fish collection?” Fishlegs asked as he observed each painting once Hiccup revealed them all. There were oil paintings of flying fish, a Great White, Salmon swimming upstream, goldfish, and even very realistic Koi fish. If Fishlegs hadn’t known that these were paintings then they might as well have jumped onto his lap and flopped about. That was how realistic Hiccup’s paintings were.

“These are amazing,” Fishlegs commented as he picked up the painting depicting a school of salmon swimming upstream. “What inspired all of these? You called me a month ago out of the blue telling me you had a new theme in the works.” 

“Eh…. yeah….” Hiccup let out a nervous chuckle as he scratched the back of his neck. “Promise you won’t tell anyone.”

“Hiccup, you’ve known me since kindergarten.” Fishlegs deadpanned.

“Right, right. It was your PA.” Hiccup confessed while blushing but this didn’t have the desired effect. Instead of Fishlegs’ usual knowing look, he was met with one of stupefaction.

Fishlegs blinked as he looked at his friend before asking “Just for clarification. We are talking about Astrid, right? The same Astrid that scares the frick out of me even though I’m supposed to be her boss?”

“Yeah, Astrid,” Hiccup sighed with that dopey look on his face. “I heard from Heather that she loves fish so there was my inspiration.”

“You shouldn’t believe everything Heather says, and besides if she loves fish don’t you think that you have just the most remarkable opening ever?”

“HUH?!” It was Hiccup’s turn to blink dumbfounded.

“Oh, My Thor Hiccup! Your last name is Haddock. Your family is practically named after fish. Just ask her out before I get implicated! My PA scares me!”

“Well, when you put it like that…..” Hiccup thought aloud before he noticed Toothless having abandoned his spot near the heater and slowly and stealthily crouching to one of his paintings, mainly the one with the Koi fish.

“TOOTHLESS DON’T YOU DARE!” Hiccup warned as he caught his dragon redhanded. “I am not scrubbing paint out of your gums tonight!”

Toothless looked dejected at Hiccup and then at the fish. “Is this normal?” Fishlegs had to ask as he observed the Nightfury slink away while grumbling.

“It’s the reason why I have the tarp in the first place.” Hiccup sighed. “Apparently the fish are too realistic for dragons and both Toothless and Hookfang have tried to eat my sketches and one of the prototype paintings. You can imagine how Toothless reacted when all he got was paper.”

“Hookfang too?” Fishlegs questioned.

“Snotlout had a blind date and asked me to babysit. He threw a fit when he had to get paint off of Hookfang.” Hiccup muttered before yelling “TOOTHLESS DROP THE SHARK PAINTING THIS INSTANCE!” it seemed that the Nightfury hadn’t given up but had aimed for a different painting after being caught.

  1. **The dancefloor shouldn’t be in the middle of a lake**



“Okay-so the Berk Municipal New Year’s festivities look really good this year, Dad,” Hiccup commented to his father-Stoick ‘the Vast’ Haddock, perennial mayor of Berk. A giant of a man with grey-streaked flaming red hair, a huge braided red beard and a shout that could be heard three islands over, Stoick had tried retiring three times but even when he wasn’t on the ballot, enough people wrote his name on and put an ‘X’ by it to re-elect him. 

“I may have taken some of your advice-you and Astrid,” Stoick confided in his son, sipping mead from his paper cup. “No glass, fireworks strictly regulated-and I’ve fired every member of the Thorston family on the council to prevent a recurrence of the ‘exploding apartment block’ incident-and free food and watered-down booze.”

“Except people will bring their own to spike the punch,” Astrid pointed out.

“At least the punch is so weak it won’t end up dangerously alcoholic after tampering,” Stoick noted as Astrid blushed. He patted her companionably on the shoulder. “Don’t worry, lass. My son didn’t ask you to marry him for your cooking. He loves you for who you are. And he’s an excellent cook.”

“While you scare even the dragons,” Hiccup added, pressing a kiss on her cheek. Suddenly, thunderously loud music boomed out, causing the three to jump six inches in the air.

“Wow, that’s loud,” Astrid noted, pulling her woolly hat down lower over her ears to try to muffle the cacophony. 

“Good evening Berk!” a familiar voice boomed. 

“It’s Ruff…”

“...and Tuff…”

“...on NEW YEAR’S EVE!” the twins yelled down the microphone. Everyone winced.

“Who authorised a disco?” Stoick frowned. “Because I didn’t. And I wouldn’t have put the twins in charge. I mean, we have octogenarians here and they prefer something danceable and traditional to thrash metal.”

“Dad-I’m impressed you’ve even heard of thrash metal,” Hiccup commented.

“You’ve been friends with the twins long enough for me to have to expand my horizons,” Stoick grumbled. “But still, what muttonheaded lunatic would have asked the twins to…” There was a pause and father and son shared a look.

“GOBBER!” they both said at once. And sure enough, the two-limbed man was cutting some moves on an area marked out in the centre of Bork Park, where the party was taking place. He gave the mayor a thumb’s up with his real hand.

“Great party, Stoick!” he yelled, chugging mead from his other (missing) hand-which had been replaced by a pint mug prosthetic. Snotlout was strutting his stuff next to Gobber, grinning cheesily at anything vaguely female. Everything vaguely female was pointedly ignoring him.

“Oh, that is bad,” Hiccup murmured. “They’ve set the dancefloor up right in the middle of the lake.” Astrid grasped his arm and rested against him.

“Don’t worry, Babe,” she reassured him. “This is Berk. It freezes here nine months of the year…”

“And it’s been unseasonably warm for the last week,” Hiccup said despondently. “Above zero. The ice will be much thinner than usual. And of course, they’ve hammered torches in the ice which will weaken it further.”

“And now...as a special treat for you Berkian traditionalists, I have a special song here by ‘Iggy and the Terrors’. It’s a full-on metal version of ‘I’m a Viking Through and Through’-and I want to see EVERYONE dancing to this!” Tuff yelled. To Stoick’s horror, there was a mass exodus onto the ice, which creaked at the strain. He saw Gothi, the 90 year old town Elder, start jiving with the other members of the Berk Historical Viking Preservation Society and worse, saw Snotlout’s idiot father, Spitelout, begin pogoing on the ice, which sparked everyone under the age of seventy to join in…

“ _Well, I’ve got my axe and I’ve got my mace and I love my bitch with the ugly face, I'm a viking through and through_ …” the singer screamed over the PA system.

“Hiccup...the dragons are joining in…” Astrid pointed out, seeing Hookfang, Barf and Belch, Stormfly and Meatlug skid onto the ice and begin to bounce along with the music. Only Toothless remained to the side, whining at the noises the ice was making. The creaks of the ice were starting to become louder than the guitars screeching in the song though everyone was too drunk and happy to pay attention.

“Five...four...three...two...one...HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Tuff yelled as Fishlegs and Heather started to let off the carefully choreographed Municipal firework display. There was an explosion as a rocket detonated overhead and Hookfang startled, flaming up furiously.

There was a final creak, a horrible snapping noise and the ice completely shattered, dumping half of the town of Berk in the lake. The fact that the lake was only two feet deep made no difference as screams and curses drowned out the fourth verse of ‘I’m a Viking Through and Through’. Stoick drained his mead and snatched Hiccup’s, draining it as well.

“That’s it. I quit. Again,” Stoick announced. “Maybe they’ll finally let me stay retired.” Joining his father and fiancee in walking to the side of the lake and pulling out wet and drunken Berkians-most still singing- Hiccup shook his head.

“Nope. They’ll just demand we don’t put the dancefloor on the lake next time,” he said.

  
  


  1. **Dragons + Rum cake = Chaos**



“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” The Twins exclaimed while throwing confetti once the clock struck twelve. The gang was gathered in Hiccup’s backyard along with their dragons to watch the fireworks while roasting smores above the firepit. Suffice to say alcohol was included and Snotlout and Heather had both been experimenting with cocktail recipes found online. Both they and Dagur were fairly intoxicated.

Astrid blew a party whistle next to Hiccup as more colorful fireworks dotted the night sky.

“Is it time dear sis?” Tuffnut asked.

“It’s time!” Ruffnut declared and Hiccup had a sudden sense of foreboding. The twins went back inside and came out with a rather big tray.

“TA-DAH!” both declared as everyone, dragons included, looked at the large four-tier cake they had unveiled.

“It’s the Thornston Special Rum Cake!” Ruffnut explained while Tuffnut was cutting pieces for not only the gang but the dragons as well.

“You sure it’s safe?” Astrid asked as she poked her piece of cake with a plastic fork.

“Safer than your cooking that’s for sure,” Snotlout laughed only to end up elbowed in the side by Astrid.

“It’s a Thornston Special,” Tuffnut said as everyone dug in. “I tested it on Chicken.”

“Wait… didn’t Chicken become horny?” Ruffnut frowned.

“NO! NO! THAT WAS ALL BECAUSE OF THAT DASTARDLY ROOSTER DON JUAN!” Tuffnut insisted as he clenched his fist for emphasis. “I will never let my baby go even if that damn rooster shows up dressed as Zorro!”

“How can a rooster show up dressed as Zorro?” Snotlout asked but Fishlegs made a motion with his hand to not ask for an explanation from the twins.

The fireworks continued as the gang and their dragons ate and relaxed. The rum cake made everyone mellow-everyone save for the dragons. Astrid blinked, holding back a yawn, as she looked to where Stormfly had been preening only to catch no sight of her dragon. She blinked and then looked around the yard. Finally she spotted Stormfly sitting on their roof crooning loudly. She must have been really intoxicated not to realize that that sound was coming from the Nadder. 

Astrid then elbowed Hiccup and he looked at her in confusion. Then he noticed that Toothless had buried himself in Zephyr’s sand box and only a sleek black tail was sticking out.

Hiccup blinked out of his slightly intoxicated daze and looked for the other dragons when suddenly he was bowled over by Meatlug who was going a pretty good bee impression and buzzing all around their and their neighbours’ yards. Barf and Belch were trying to eat Snotlout’s car while Hookfang thought the trampoline in the garden was a female Monstrous Nightmare.

“Wait where is Windshear?” Hiccup asked as he couldn’t spot the silver dragon anywhere. “Heather where is Windshear?!” Hiccup looked around the yard and then realized he had lost sight of Barf and Belch.

“Wha-?” Heather asked as she was scooping up another piece of cake. “Around? Maybe? Hey, Hiccup have you tried this cake? It’s good,”

Just as Heather said that Stormfly flew down and snatched the rest of the cake before running off.

“STORMFLYYYYY!” Astrid shouted as she chased after her dragon. But being intoxicated and being intoxicated by something the twins made was on a whole different level. That was why Hiccup winced as his girlfriend ran right against the tree in their yard and fell flat on her back. Stormfly meanwhile had flown to the top of the tree and devoured the rest of the cake while cawing loudly.

Hiccup didn’t think things could get more chaotic until an explosion rocked the front of their house. Looks like he had found Barf and Belch. 

  
  
  


  1. **Drunken Dragons are not a substitute for fireworks.**



“Everyone ready?” Hiccup asked as he glanced over his friends. After the disasters of previous years, the safest thing was clearly to remove Snotlout, the twins and their dragons from any obvious involvement in the main New Year’s Celebrations. Of course, they had to do something and finally, Hiccup had volunteered to try to keep them out of mischief. He was already regretting it.

“I still think it’s cheap,” Snotlout moaned. “Using dragons instead of fireworks. And especially since you AND Uncle Stoick insisted we had to be sober during the display. I mean, it’s New Years! I haven’t been sober for one of these since I was fourteen.”

“Nor me,” Tuff added, leaning forward on Belch’s neck. Astrid glared at them. 

“Well, you are now,” she told them curtly. They had all refused the snacks she had brought along-even though they were shop bought-in case Astrid just touching them made them poisonous or on fire. It had done nothing to improve her mood when she would rather have been planning a quiet evening in with her fiance. “And this is important. Stoick only agreed to be Mayor again because you all said you’d do this. If anything goes wrong, he’ll resign for the fifth time and you may end up with Spitelout or Mildew as Mayor.”

“I don’t know what would be worse,” Fishlegs moaned.

“Mildew. Definitely Mildew,” Hiccup told him bluntly. “He wants a 3pm curfew on dragons and the twins not allowed to go out without a chaperone of over sixty with them at all times. And while we all agree with the twins position, the dragons won’t stay inside that early in the day-even in winter…”

“Hookfang might if I fed him,” Snotlout commented. “And why does no one worry about my Dad being made Mayor?”

“He’s a total muttonhead and the Town Council would be in charge,” Heather pointed out from Windshear’s back. “So unless you want Mildew in charge, don’t mess this up.”

“What? Why are you looking at me?” Tuff asked, feigning hurt. “That’s profiling, you know…”

“No, actually it’s factually based since every New Year’s Disaster since we were in Middle School has been directly caused by you two,” Fishlegs pointed out shortly.

“Please-just do as we agreed,” Hiccup asked them and then frowned. “Ruff...are you feeding the dragons?” The female twin looked up.

“No?” she lied, putting the brownie-like cakes behind her back. Toothless stole one immediately.

“What is it? Please tell me it isn’t your ridiculous Rum Cake!” Hiccup snapped. Ruff gaped.

“I resent the implication,” she said in a hurt voice. “We promised that we wouldn’t give that to the dragons. No, this is our new patented ‘Thorston Dragon Treat’.”

“Which is…?” Hiccup asked, leaning forward over Toothless’s head.

“Everything a dragon loves…” Tuff piped up. “Mushrooms. Chocolate. Eel. And rum.”

“Dragons don’t like rum. They react badly to rum. They get drunk very easily!” Astrid added, recalling how impossible Stormfly had been when she had polished off the Rum Cake.

“Maybe your feeble girly Nadder but Barf and Belch are resistant to the effects of…” Ruff began as Hiccup grabbed Astrid to stop her lunging at the twins.

“How dare you insult my beautiful girl, you…” Astrid yelled, waving a fire extinguisher she had brought ‘just in case’ since Snotlout was part of the display and would probably end up on fire at some point in the evening.

“And Eel makes the dragons crazy and aggressive. They sway with mushrooms. And they get high and horny with chocolate! Honestly-do you two NEVER pay attention?” he shouted.

“I think it’s very obvious we DON’T!” Tuff pointed out, grinning unrepentantly.

“Oh my Thor,” Hiccup muttered.

“Thor help us,” Heather muttered and checked her watch. “It’s time…” she called aloud. “Three minutes to go. Time to get up in the air for the New Year’s Display…”

“Ruff...how many of these have you given to the dragons?” Hiccup asked in a concerned voice. He had grabbed one of the cakes and-against his better judgement-had taken a small bite. He’d spat it out but not before he realised it was just as alcoholic as the official ‘Rum Cake’.

“About four or five each,” she admitted. 

“Oh Thor…” Hiccup muttered as he leaned forward. “This is going to be a disaster. Okay, Bud-nice and slow. Let’s go…” But the Night Fury shot up into the air and immediately went into a barrel roll, firing purple plasma blasts wildly. Stormfly was swooping and twirling while Barf and Belch both tried to pull in opposite directions and almost crashed. Windshear kept cutting across the others and Hookfang was already on fire, causing Snotlout to scream that his pants were burning.

Down below, they heard the yells of ‘Happy New Year!’ and the timers on their watches all went off.

“Here we go,” Hiccup murmured and dropped his arm. 

Hookfang instantly started swooping in circles, still blazing away. Barf and Belch tried to attack Meatlug while the Gronckle launched huge balls of lava at the Zippleback, missing and landing on the lake. They burnt huge holes in the ice-which thankfully wasn’t being used as a dancefloor this year.

“I’m feeling airsick!” Fishlegs yelled and grabbed a paper bag.

Toothless soared up in the air as Stormfly croaked a challenge. Instantly, the two were locked in aerial combat, shooting plasma blasts and flames at each other. Hookfang shot past and flamed at the nearest building.

“Toothless!” Hiccup yelled as the dragons all joined in and instead of a coordinated display that he had meticulously planned, they were happily firing at one another, hitting several parts of the town and causing fires until Barf and Belch exploded a particularly large building.

“What was that?” Heather asked.

“Town Hall,” Astrid called back. “So far we’ve blown up the bakery, the movie theatre, Mildew’s Sheep Exchange and Sven’s Wool Store.”

“And the High School,” Ruff added.

“I never liked school,” Tuff added.

“Then why do you work there?” Fishlegs cried.

“Subversion, my man!” Tuff called back happily. “Bring down the system from the inside!” Snotlout leapt from Hookfang, who had finally calmed down, and jumped into a snowdrift.

“Thank Thor,” he sighed, cooling his scorched posterior. “Bliss…” The twins were still out of control, random explosions filling the sky as Hiccup forced the drunken Toothless to land, jumping off as the dragon rolled over. Windshear was racing Stormfly around the park and setting trees on fire as they sped past while Meatlug was digging her way into a snowdrift, her rear waggling suggestively. Fishlegs was lying on the ground, kissing it urgently. Hiccup looked over at the chaos and sighed, seeing his father, Mildew and a dozen annoyed citizens coming to express their disappointment.

“Looks like drunken dragons are not a substitute for fireworks,” he groaned as the rebuilt bandstand exploded once more.

**The End.**

  
  



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